Scarred Up
by Dozen-Glass-Roses
Summary: "It hurt so bad, I wanted to stop, but I wanted to be strong more..." Alley is with the Flock, and safe from Scott, but is she safe from herself? A sequel to A Pair of Little Silver Wings. All in Alley's POV.
1. The Voice

**[a few people asked for a sequel to A Pair of Little Silver Wings, so I wanted to do one, and Alley has more story than just Happily Ever After. I know this is a little dark, okay, it's a lot dark, fine, it's darker than Fang in a thunderstorm, but Alley is MY oc, therefore there is no ooc for her. so if you don't like it don't read it. if you do like it, review, and fav, and we can all be friends, cool? cool. enjoy!]**

I woke up with his name on my lips. I only let myself whisper it though; I didn't want to wake anyone else.

"Conner," my eyes filled right up with tears. I didn't want them out, the way they stung my eyes was distracting, and I held them there as long as I could. Then one finally slipped down my cheek. I listened for it to hit the pillow. "Conner," I let his name out again.

_Conner is dead. He died because you're useless. _Snapped the little voice in my head, the one that could have been mine, but wasn't.

_I know! _I snapped back. _I know what I am! _

_Do you? _The voice asked sharply. _Do you really? Do you know that you're a failure? Do you know that you're a waste of space, a waste of feathers and flesh? Do you know that you're weak, and that you slow Max and her flock down? Do you know that you will never belong anywhere? And that no one loves you? _

_That's not true! Max loves me, she said so! _I thought. I wasn't sure. She was nice to me, she laughed when I tried to joke, she had taught me how to fly, but maybe she was only being nice to me to be nice to me, like maybe she just felt bad for me. Lots of people had helped me and Conner because they felt bad for us, Conner had always said that half the food we ate was pity-food. Was Max's love pity-love?

_More like pity-help. _The voice scoffed. _She doesn't love you. You know that. You know I wouldn't lie to you, Alley. _

I nodded into my pillow. The voice had never lied to me for the whole six weeks I'd had it.

_That's right. You'll never belong anywhere. No one loves you. You're useless. You're weak and helpless, and a waste, and a failure. You're a liability to Max. You know this is all true? _

"I know." I whispered. "I know what I am."

_You know it, but do you believe it? _

For a moment, I wondered, did I? Then, I saw Conner -my big brother, my only friend for a long time- lying dead, in a puddle of his own blood. I saw the man who had shot him look up at me and say "You did this. You killed him when you ran away."

"Yes." I whispered. "I do."

_Good girl. You know what to do, don't you? _

Yes, I knew. _I don't have a knife. _I also knew that was a useless response.

_Check the cabinet over the toilet in the bathroom, top shelf to the left. Lock the door. _

I rolled out of the bed Angel and me were sharing and snuck across the hotel room and opened the bathroom door slowly, half hoping it would make a noise. It didn't. I locked myself in and checked the cabinet. There it was, a little silver knife, just like the voice had said. It never lies.

I picked it up; it was cold, like holding a dead thing. I sat on the floor, with my back to the tub. I tried to think a good thing. _Max loves you. She said she did. _I put the knife to my wrist.

_That's it, Alley. That is how you will get stronger, feed on the pain. The pain is the only thing you have, Alley. _The voice soothed.

I cut. I slid the knife over my skin. It hurt so bad, I wanted to stop, but I wanted to be strong more. I did it again and again, switching wrists after a while.

I kept going until the voice said I could stop. _Now, clean yourself up. _

I did. I clumsily wrapped my wrists with gauze from the first aid kit that Max had left out when we went to bed.

_Good girl. _The voice said. I knew it would go away now, and stay away for at least the whole rest of the night.

I drooped my head down on the tub. I let my eyes close. I wished I was dead instead of my mom and Conner.

**[REVIEW! PLEASE! FLAME IF YOU WANT! fly high and always love, Rose]**


	2. Birthday

"Alley?" Max's voice came through the door. "Sweetheart, you okay?"

I had fallen asleep.

"Yeah." I said, jumping to my feet and flushing the toilet, pretending like I had used it. "I'm fine."

I hid the knife under the bathmat, so someone might find it. Then I ran the water, and pulled my sleeves up over my wrists.

Let me tell you something, a secret, the only one I have. I wish Max was my mom. I wish it so hard that sometimes I think she could be. But she's not. The voice in my head likes to remind me about me being an orphan. My real mom died when I was little.

Actually, she was killed- by my stepfather, the mean, bad man who gave me wings- I remember it. I remember everything.

I don't know who my dad is. I don't care either. I don't want to know why he didn't stay and protect me and my mom and my brother. Maybe he had a better little girl, one who wasn't a failure of a freak, one without wings and a nasty voice in her head. One who didn't hurt herself. One who wasn't me.

I sometimes wish that Fang was my dad. He's strong and quiet and he's… safe, like an old black teddy bear that someone threw out on accident. I should be scared of him, I think, he acts like he's scary, he always looks bored, but I'm not scared of him at all. He's safe. He doesn't ask questions. He doesn't say anything.

I smiled like I meant it at Max. "Good morning." I said, too happy.

"Morning, sweetheart." She smiled for real. "You hungry?"

I nodded. I liked when she called me sweetheart. It made me feel like I belonged to her.

_Do you know what's coming up? _I wanted to ask. _My birthday, I'm turning six. It's next week, Thursday, the seventeenth. _I didn't say anything; I knew I wasn't important enough.

"They have free food downstairs, you want to get some? Me and Angel are going down now." Max said.

"Okay." I said. I followed her and Angel to the stairs. I liked Angel too, if Max and Fang were _really_ my mom and dad, Angel would be my older sister, the fun kind who plays games and whispers at night.

We just walked, and then when we found the food, we just ate. No talking. No worrying that I would say the wrong thing and get Max or Angel mad at me. I always say the wrong thing. I always mess up. I'm a failure. I know what I what I am.

After going up for her fourth round of waffles and scrambled eggs, Angel settled herself and said, "Max, did you know that it's Alley's birthday next week?"

I picked at my first serving of eggs and didn't eat any. That's another thing the voice says, I'm only allowed to eat once a day and only so much. It told me that two days ago, and I felt sick now, I was so hungry, but I left the eggs. I saved my meal for the last of the day, so I could sleep without my tummy hurting.

"Really?" Max asked me.

I nodded.

"We should have a party." Angel said. "Iggy could make a cake, or we could go to a movie."

I just nodded. I wanted to hide my face, to hide that I cared so much about something so selfish.

"Alley, do you feel okay?" Max asked, "Why aren't you eating?"

"I'm not hungry." I lied. I didn't want to lie to Max, but I didn't want to tell about the voice either. As long as I didn't tell anyone, I wasn't really crazy.

"Are you sure?" Max asked, frowning.

"Yes. I'm just not hungry." I pushed the warm eggs across the plate with my fork. I could taste them, a little peppery and fluffy and good. I wanted them.

_You know the rules, Alley,_ the voice said. _One meal, so go ahead, eat, just don't eat again today._

_I know! I know! _I thought grumpily. I dropped my fork. _There you go!_

_Oh, and by the way, don't leave your knives lying around, someone could hurt themselves! _

I slammed my hands down on the table. "Shut up!" I snapped, out loud.

"Alley," Max said slowly. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Not you." I blushed and stared at the eggs I wasn't allowed to eat. "I'm sorry."

_You should be. _The voice said. _You waste of feathers and flesh._

**_[_REVIEW! And also, please note that this story is based on a roleplay, which is why it has a plot, sort of. FLAMES WELCOME! fly high and always love]  
**


	3. A Knife in the Bathroom

**[hey all. I'm back. Sorry it's short, but one of my best friends is a little on the short side and she's Mr. Onion. (don't ask, I honestly don't remember) so, yeah, I'll update soon. oh, and Thornessa, it was a live action roleplay with Mr. Onion- I mean a friend of mine, and if you've never roleplayed I highly recommend it. Reason, you make me giggle, but only because I have a heart and a key that squeak and run around, also, I have The Mice. (sorry, off topic...) zoey and stark, of course I'll update, I'll update as long as you'll read. XxHelixRiderxX, you are the best! Thanks for reviewing! Oh and I can't tell you who Alley's voice is 'cause it's part of the plot... but I've said too much and this note is getting really long, so read on! Enjoy!]**

"Max, Fang, can I talk to you about something?" Angel asked, shifting from foot to foot. The others where in the lobby of the hotel, doing something that would probably get them kicked out.

"Sure." Max said. She put down the book she had been glossing over (it was Nudge's, something about falling in love with bigfoot, it sucked).

Fang nodded.

Angel took a deep breath and then dived in. "It's Alley. Something's wrong with her. She's sick somehow. It's in her head. She keeps thinking about how useless she is, she calls herself a waste of feathers and flesh. And sometimes I can't even get into her head. It's like a busy signal or something."

"'A waste of feathers and flesh'?" Max said slowly. "Is that why she wasn't eating this morning?"

"I think so," Angel said. "and last night she got up at around four AM and went to the bathroom, but she never came back."

"Do you think she's working for someone?" Fang asked.

Angel shook her head. "No, no, she's not, or if she is then she doesn't know it."

"Then what's wrong?" Max wondered aloud.

Angel flapped her hands helplessly. "That's what I hoped you guys might know."

"Could it have anything to do with this?" Fang asked, holding up a little knife, the kind that people used for crafts and cutting cardboard.

"Where did you get that?" Max took it from him and turned it over in her hands.

"It was under the rug in the bathroom." Fang said.

"When?" Angel asked.

"This morning."

"Oh god. Alley is cutting herself." Angel whispered.

"How do you get that out of a knife?" Max asked, not wanting to believe that Alley would do that.

"What else would she do with it?" Fang said.

"But why?" Max was too stunned to argue.

"We'll have to ask her." Angel said finally.

At that moment, Iggy, Nudge and Gazzy slammed into the room.

"Is Alley up here?" Gazzy asked, his eyes wide with worry.

"No, she was with you." Max said. Then something jolted in her head. She looked at Angel who had evidently reasoned out the same thing.

"She ran away!" Max gasped.

"No, someone might have taken her." Angel said. So not the same thing after all.

"Or maybe she's in the bathroom," Gazzy said hopefully.

"Check there first!" Max said. She went to the window and threw it open. "Angel, Fang, Nudge come with me. Gazzy, Iggy stay here in case she comes back."

**[we all know what happens now, right? YOU CLICK THE REVIEW BUTTON AND WRITE SOMETHING! please! also, you check out my other stories... and... and... there was something else but I seem to have forgotten it... (The Mice must have stolen it...) oh well, I'm sure it was wildly important... anyway... **

**Fly- (I just remembered!**** you can't spell reviewing without wing!) **

**(let's try that again...) **

**Fly high and always love**

**Rose]  
**


	4. Hiding away

I was running away. No, actually I was hiding away. The running/flying part was for later. I was in a little shed outside the hotel, curled under a cardboard box. My feet were asleep and my hands were cold.

_Ten more minutes. _The voice said cheerily.

_Okay, where then? _I wondered.

_Just fly until I tell you to stop. _

_Which way? _I wanted to punch the voice, it wasn't being very clear today.

_West. Fly west. _

_Thank you. _

I heard Iggy calling my name. I fought to stay still, to not call back. _I have to leave. I have to keep Max and her flock safe. _

_That's right, Alley, Max will die if you stay with her. _

_I know! _I balled my hands into fists. I bit my lip until it started to bleed. I wished I could write, then I could write Max a note so she wouldn't worry.

_She won't worry about you, Alley, you're not important enough to worry about. She'll forget you soon and be able to take care of her _**real**_flock. _

"**Alley**?" Iggy's voice was coming closer. "**Alley**?" he was right outside the door.

I held my breath. He stood there, called my name again, then left to look somewhere else.

_If they don't care, then why are they looking for me?_ I snapped.

_You said it yourself, Alley, pity. They feel bad for you because they know you don't fit, because you're useless. But they don't want you around, you slow them down. They're all better off without you. Alley, check your wounds._

I carefully tugged the bandage off my left wrist. The ugly cuts looked like evil, scabby, smiling lips, with the edges crusted with dry blood. I spat on my fingers and cleaned the blood away.

_I hate cutting! _I told the voice. _I'm never going to do it again! _

_Do you want to strong? _The voice asked sternly.

_Yes… _I felt a little sick.

_Then you'll cut. You can't spell cutie-pie without cut, you know. _

_No, I don't know, I can't spell. _

_Oh, right, yet another thing you __didn't__ learn from Max, because you're not smart enough. Okay, times up, get a move on, Alley. _

I pushed the box off of me and got up. My feet buzzed like pins and needles. I felt even sicker, because I was hungry.

I peeked out the door, no one was around.

I had to climb up to the roof of the shed and jump off to fly. I'm still not very good at taking off yet. I flapped as hard as I could, going higher and higher.

Then I screwed up big-time, I looked back.

I saw Gazzy, standing in the parking lot, watching me go. I saw his face, he was mad, and his eyes were- there was no way that his eyes had tears in them, was there?

**[yeah, this is short too... I know, but I'm going to write more, tonight as soon as I post this. So the next part might be up as soon as tomorrow night. Thanks to all who reviewed, Keep It Up pleeasse? so click the button! or The Mice will burn my notebooks. and I'll be sad! REVIEW! just do it. say yes to peer pressure. but only now. **

**fly high and always love**

**Rose]  
**


	5. Girls

There's something about flying, something very good. Even though I was leaving, I felt good and safe in the air.

Of course, the good feeling goes away when all the muscles that move your wings hurt because you're still getting down the basics and you haven't used them for that long.

I had to land.

_Not much further. Just another forty or fifty miles. _The voice informed me as I started to dip lower in the sky.

_I can't fly another fifty miles. _I told it. _It's getting dark._ _I'm hungry. I'm tired. My wings hurt. I'm landing now. _

_Don't you dare disobey me, Alley, you have to keep flying. This is not how it's supposed to work. _

_I don't care. I feel like a dead rat. _

_You had better keep flying, Alley. _

_Fine! I'm still flying. _I went back up. My wings felt like bricks and my head was twirling.

I kept flying. Flap up. Flap down. Flap up. Flap down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Nothing. No more flapping. My wings were too tight, too stiff. My stomach hurt and my head felt empty.

I fell fast. My eyes burned. I covered my face with my arms. I didn't scream. I didn't know what would happen when I hit the ground. I knew it would hurt. I knew I might die. And I didn't really care.

* * *

"Hey, Iggy," Gazzy sat down on one of the beds in the hotel room. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, shoot." Iggy flopped down on the couch.

"How do you get a girl to like you?" Gazzy asked earnestly.

"uh, be nice to her, why?"

"Because, there's this girl, who I like, and I don't think she likes me, but I want her to like me, and she's kinda weird." Gazzy picked at a loose thread on his pants.

"Nudge?"

"Ew! No!" Gazzy made a face.

"Not Angel, right?"

Gazzy gagged.

"Just making sure. Oh, wow, you like Alley, don't you?" Iggy leaned forward.

"Yes." Gazzy's cheeks colored. "she's so pretty."

"She's also like four years younger than you."

"No, she's only three years younger, and I might be younger too." Gazzy said.

Iggy just sat there, being shocked for a moment. "But she just left. You saw her go."

"I know. That's why I'm going to get her back. And you're going to help."

Iggy made the universal 'oh snap' face.

**[REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!]**


	6. What are you?

**[haha! this is a long one for me! lots of words! yay! anyway, I'm totally killing the mood with this note, seeing as this is about an almost-six-year-old who cuts, anyhow... read on! enjoy!]**

Dying was a lot wetter than I thought it would be. And colder.

It had to be concrete I hit, it was that hard. But then I went through it.

I couldn't breathe. My noodle-y arms and legs flapped uselessly around me. I swear, I had landed in the world's largest Jell-O mold. Or maybe it was just water. It didn't taste like Jell-O, it tasted like dirt.

Suddenly, I felt hands grabbing me around my shoulders. Big, warm hands that pulled me into the air again. I tried to breathe, but there was too much water in my mouth. I choked on it. The hands wrapped around me, big, muscly arms held me still while I coughed up the water.

"Can you hear me?" the voice of the owner of the hands asked.

I nodded and coughed some more. My throat felt raw from the water and the coughing.

"Does anything hurt?" the man, he was definitely a man, asked.

I nodded again. All the water was gone, I guessed. I took a big gasp-y breath. My eyes were burning, and my chest hurt so bad, I had broken a rib or two, I was sure.

"I'm going to put you down and check your pulse, okay?" the man took a few lurching steps and laid me on my back on something wooden.

I made a gagging yes sound. My eyes saw blurry shapes only, everything was like one of those smudgy old paintings. The man was a big drop of peach color and grey and green.

He leaned over me and put his fingers on the side of my neck. I tried to take little, tight breaths so my chest wouldn't hurt. It still did anyway.

"Where are your parents?" he asked.

"Don't have any." I murmured. It made my ribs hurt.

"Are you here alone?"

"Yes." My head felt like a balloon, like it wanted to float away without me.

"What hurts?" he didn't say anything about my orphaness.

"Chest. I think it's broken." I saw the black sky behind his head, and bright lights from somewhere over to the side.

"I'm going to take you to the hospital, okay?"

"No!" I tried to sit up; I needed to get out of here.

The man held me down. "Okay, no hospital." He said. "My house then, come on, my car is right there." he picked me up again.

Moving killed my ribs but I stayed quiet. He walked at the lights, and then around them. He put me down on the back seat. My wet hair dripped on the leather. He wrapped a coat around me. It was then that I realized how cold I was.

I shivered under the coat as he got in and turned everything on.

_Get out of the car. Now. _the voice ordered.

_I can't. I can't move. _

_Alida Tesla Jones! You get out right now! this is not in the plan. you could give yourself some worth, but no, you're showing weakness, you're being a useless waste, as always. _

_I don't want to be useless, but I can't help it now. _

_Then get out of the car! _

"I can't!" I sobbed out loud.

"You can't what, sweetie?" the man asked. We were driving, I could feel it.

I couldn't say anything because I was crying too hard.

"What's wrong?" he turned to look at me, I could see him clearer now, old-looking brown eyes in a young, smooth face, curly blond hair and a goatee thing on his chin.

My chest hurt more with every hiccupping sob.

"Everything." I finally moaned.

"We're here." He stopped the car and came to get me. His clothes were wet just like mine. His arms were warm though.

_RUN AWAY, NOW! _the voice was screaming at me.

He carried me up the steps of a little brick house. Somehow he opened the door without putting me down.

"DONNICA!" he hollered. "CAN YOU COME OUT HERE?"

A woman with long black braids and glasses hurried into the room.

"Oh, my god." She said, taking me from the man. "Pat, what happened?"

"I don't really know, babe, she's hurt and she doesn't want to go to the hospital, no parents, she was alone, out by the pond. Could you clean her up while I change and get my things?"

"Of course. Go change." She said. She took me to the bathroom, set me down next to the tub and turned on the water. "Do you need help with your clothes, sweetheart?"

I shook my head. I took my shoes off first, then my socks and pants. Slowly, I unzipped and took off my jacket, every little movement hurting me. Now the woman, Donnica, could see my scars. I tugged off my t-shirt. Now she could see my wings.

She stared, not shocked, but interested.

_Get out of there now! _the voice shouted.

But there was nowhere to go. I looked at my bare feet.

"What are you?" she asked finally.

**[review! REVIEW! REVIEW! it'll save the rainforest! (NOT REALLY!) but, it will give you good breath, and make you cool and popular (in _my_ book at least) REVIEW! PLEASE! PLEASE! REVIEW!**

**Fly high and Always love**

**Rose] **


	7. A little girl

"I'm a little girl," I said softly. "But with wings, avian-human."

"How?" the woman, Donnica, asked.

"I don't know." I said, that was mostly a lie, but thinking about it hurt. So did everything else. I bit my lip and waited.

"Clean yourself up and I'll find you some clothes, okay?" she said finally.

"Okay." I swayed on my feet.

"Here's a towel you can use." Donnica touched a red towel hanging on the wall.

"Okay."

She shut the door behind her and I got into the shower. I let my wings out a little, the hot water soaked into my silvery-gray feathers and I felt my wing muscles unstiffifying. My chest throbbed and my brain twirled in my head.

I washed the dirty water out of my hair. My tummy snarled like a mad Eraser. I felt like throwing up, but there was nothing to throw up. The water stung the cuts on my wrists, one of them opened up and bled. I pressed my hand on it. It wouldn't stop bleeding.

_Let it bleed, open it more. It will make you stronger. _

I did what the voice wanted. With my fingernails I dug into the cut. It hurt bad. I started crying again. I couldn't tell what were tears and what was water. I felt so dizzy. I turned the shower off and got the red towel.

_Clean your wound. _

"With what?" I hissed.

_Use your t-shirt. _

I wrapped it around my wrist, even though I knew it was dirty, and that it might infect the cut.

"Sweetheart?" Donnica tapped on the outside of the door. "Are you done?"

"Yes, ma'am." I said. I pulled the towel around me. It was fluffy and warm. I tugged it closer.

She opened the door and handed me a Hello Kitty t-shit and a pair of pink sweatpants, in small-bird-kid-size. "If you give me your clothes, I'll wash them for you."

"That's okay." Under the towel I tightened my t-shirt on my wrist.

"No, really, it's no big deal." Donnica said. "Here," she stepped in and took my pants, socks, shoes and jacket off the floor. "Where's your shirt?"

"I'll be right out." I said quickly.

She left, after giving me a careful look. I put on the clothes, wincing the whole time. I checked my wrist. It was still bleeding. It looked deep. "I did that." I whispered.

I stared at it for a long time, just watching it bleed.

"Are you okay?" Donnica asked from the other side of the door.

"Yes, ma'am." I wrapped my wrist again. My t-shirt dripped on the floor, the water was brownish red.

I pushed out of the bathroom one handed, the other hand I held behind my back. My knees wanted to lock up on me. The edges of what I was seeing were fuzzing over.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I wanted to say yes, I was fine, but my tongue was too fat, my mouth was out of spit. I saw the wall, it was really close to my head, painted deep red, like the water from my shirt. It got closer. My cheek hit it, and I slid to the floor.

"Oh my god, Pat! Help me! Pat!" Donnica yelled, picking me up.

I felt the t-shirt slip out of my hands. Everything was so far away. Donnica was talking to me, something about 'can you hear me, sweetheart.'

I wanted to tell her that I could, and that I was Max's sweetheart, and that was what she called me. I wanted to tell about my secret wish. My lips wouldn't move.

The man, his name was Pat, the woman kept calling him Pat, was there suddenly, holding a big bag. He took me, in his big warm hands and put me on my back on a bed. He took my hand, the one that was bleeding.

"Oh, god, this'll need stitches." I heard him say. Then I closed my eyes. I didn't want to be there anymore.

**[REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! I'll tell you a secret, when someone reviews, I go check out their profile, and read their stories, so review!]**


	8. Pretend

"So, what are we looking for?" Iggy asked, taking a sip of Coke sitting down next to Gazzy.

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm thinking we should start by finding her stepdad, Scott Phillips. He might know something." Gazzy frowned. "We can check the white pages online and go from there. oh, and I want to get her something."

"Like what?" Iggy asked. He had never seen Gazzy so serious about anything in his life. It was kind of unnerving.

"Whatever you're supposed to get girls, a necklace or a bracelet or some socks or something."

"Don't get her socks." Iggy advised. "Maybe a stuffed animal?"

"Yeah, that might work." Gazzy looked way older. "Anyway, we have to find a library so we can search for Scott Phillips."

"Okay, boss." Iggy rolled his eyes; he liked the non-crushing Gazzy better.

* * *

Max was right there, smiling a little, her arms crossed loosely over her stomach, she was talking, saying something that I couldn't quite hear, over and over again. I was sitting on the linoleum floor of a lab, waiting to die.

She leaned closer and said it again, "I love you. I love you. I love you." She reached her arms out for me, but I couldn't move, so she knelt and pulled me to her side.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." She said, wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes. She was warm and safe. She kept saying it, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

I opened my mouth to say 'I love you' back but that's not what came out. "I hate you." I heard my voice say. "I hate you. I hate you."

Max pulled back, her eyes wide and hurt looking. "But I wanted to be your mom. And Fang was going to be your dad." She said sadly. "Isn't that what you wished?"

_Yes! Yes! Yes! _I tried to say. "No. I hate you. I wished that you would all die." It wasn't my voice anymore; it was _the_ voice coming out of my mouth.

"But, Alley, I love you." Max said. And then she died, just died. And I heard Conner yelling at me to look out. And then the gun. I heard the gun. And then I saw my mom, all bloody and cold, slumped over the dash board.

And then Scott was standing over me, jabbing a cigarette in my face, "Alley? Alley, wake up, you've got some testing to do, wake up Alley."

My head smacked against something hard. I jerked away, and sat up. I was lying on the floor, tangled in a sheet.

"It was just a dream," I told myself quietly. "It's not real; I didn't say those things to Max."

I got up and put the sheet back on the bed. My wrist was wrapped with a lot of gauze. I wondered if they had really put in stiches, the way Pat said. My chest hardly hurt at all. My tummy, on the other hand, was aching. I was so hungry.

I went to the door and listened. I heard muffled voices.

I inched down the hall slow, so I wouldn't make any noise.

"_Someday I'll be living in a big old city_

_And all you're ever gonna be is mean_

_Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me_

_And all you're ever gonna be is mean" _a pretty, sweet voice was singing.

"Pat, what are we going to do about the little girl?" Donnica asked over the song, which had to be on the radio or something.

"She said she didn't have any parents, maybe we should bring her to the police." Pat said.

"You know we can't do that." Donnica said. Something clinked. They were eating. I could smell the pancakes and bacon.

"I know. But what else is there to do?"

"Wait until she's better, and decide then." Donnica said in the fight-ending-voice that every girl but me had.

I ruffled my hair up and made my eyes go squinty before I walked into the room, so they'd think I was still sleepy.

"Good morning." Pat smiled at me. "You know, with everything that happened last night, I never told you my name. I'm Patrick Tash. This is my wife, Donnica."

I rubbed my eyes. "I'm Alley." I blinked. "It's nice to meet you. Thanks for helping me."

"Nice to meet you too, Alley. I hate to be rude, but, do you have a last name?" Donnica asked.

"No, no last name." I had dropped it when the voice told me to three weeks ago, I was just Alley now, the way Nudge was just Nudge. I wished my last name was Ride. That's what I wanted for my birthday. A last name.

"Oh." Pat said. "Would you like some breakfast? We've got pancakes."

I bit my lip. I hadn't eaten in forever. "Yes, please." I would have to sleep with my tummy hurting tonight.

Pat got up, found me a plate from the dishwasher, and heaped six fluffy pancakes onto it. Donnica pulled out the chair next to her. I sat down. Pat set the plate in front of me.

I didn't waste time with the syrup.

"Would you like more?" Pat chuckled. "And some bacon and syrup maybe?"

"Yes, please." I said. After two more plates, my tummy stopped hurting for the first time in a long time.

"This is really good." I said when my mouth wasn't full. "Hey, why did you make so much food anyway?"

"We don't mind leftovers." Donnica smiled. "They're good for busy mornings. Chocolate milk?"

I nodded fast. I hadn't had chocolate milk since Conner was alive. I hadn't thought about it much. Now I was dying for some.

Donnica got up and made it, with the powder, which is the better kind, because it's creamier. "Straw?" she asked.

"Yes, please."

"What color?" Pat asked.

"Do you have orange?"

"Yep."

Donnica handed me the glass. I slurped it as loud as I could, the way Conner taught me to. Suddenly, I realized that this was the first time I had remembered Conner without being sad. I let my lips curl up on the sides.

Then everything fell apart. Someone knocked on the door. Donnica got up to answer it. I blew bubbles in my chocolate milk and swung my legs over the edge of the chair. I felt so good. I pretended that it was Max and Fang feeding me and giving me chocolate milk in this big, nice house with clean, wooden floors, instead of Pat and Donnica. I pretended that we were normal and that Angel and me were getting ready for school, and Max and Fang were getting ready for work.

"Alley, hon, someone is here to see you." Donnica said, sticking her head around the doorframe.

I got up and wondered where the voice had gone, and why it hadn't said anything to me. _Maybe it's giving me the silent treatment. _I thought hopefully.

"Thank you so much for finding her," said a horribly familiar voice in the front hall. "She's not all there all the time, so when she wasn't in her room last night at bedtime, her mother and I were so anxious, I'm just glad that her doctor gave us a tracking necklace for her."

My legs went noodley, and my full tummy turned over. All the goodness from my pretending rushed away, leaving a sick, scared feeling.

"Oh, Alley, baby, come give your daddy a hug, you frightened your mommy and I." Scott said, smiling his hating smile.

_Do what he says. _The voice snapped.

**[REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!] **


	9. Max Didn't Lie

"Hi daddy." I said. My eyes burned with tears. I wished that I was dead, hard.

"Come _here_, sweetheart," he held his arms out. I saw his left eye twitch, that meant I was in trouble, big trouble. His voice was all careful and friendly, but it was fake. As soon as we were out of sight and hearing range, he- he would… hurt me. "Your mommy and I were so worried, why did you leave the house like that? Hmm?"

_Answer him! _The voice ordered.

"I wanted flowers, daddy, for you and mommy," I said, hating the way my voice was so small. Max never sounded small, she never was scared, I decided to pretend to be Max. "So I could shove them up your butt, and watch you squirm." I finished, proud of myself for coming up with it.

"Alley?" Scott's voice was surprised, but I could hear the mean in it.

_Alley, you'll have to pay in blood for that, young lady, blood and burns. _The voice said coolly. I felt my tummy twist in fear, and I said quickly. "Just kidding!"

"Come on, now, Alley, let's get you home, okay?" he turned to Donnica, "Thank you for finding her, ma'am, I hope she wasn't any trouble."

"Oh, no, she was very good, but, my husband, Pat, he's an EMT, had to put some stitches in her wrist, she must have fallen somewhere, she should be fine, though, and the stiches will have to come out in about six weeks." Donnica was fooled, and I was so scared, no Max left to pretend with, just a sick feeling; I was pretty sure I was going to taste those pancakes again soon. "It was nice meeting you Alley."

"It was nice meeting you, too," I said really quiet, and stared at the steps.

Scott took me up in his arms, and all I could smell was his smoke, the smell of burning cigarettes, the smell of my nightmares. "Thanks again," he said to Donnica.

He put me in the car gently, like he cared. Then he got in and lit up. I felt the pancakes in my throat. He waited a long time before he said anything.

"I told you that you were alone, didn't I Alley?" he tapped his cigarette on the steering wheel. "I'm the one looking out for you here, darling; your sweet Maximum didn't get you out of there, did she?"

"But it was safe!" I said, more ready to fight with him than I had been in the house. "They were nice, they helped me."

"They could have done anything to you, they could have hurt you any way they wanted to," he looked at me in his mirror. "They could have killed you. You can't trust anyone, not a single person in the world, not even yourself."

"I didn't trust them," I said, looking down again, I'm always looking down. "But they trusted me," I didn't know whether they did or not, but I wanted them to have trusted me. I wanted to be someone who good people like Pat and Donnica would trust. I wanted to be someone Max would trust too.

"You did trust Max, though, Alley, and she never trusted you." Scott said, his tone like cinderblocks, heavy and hard. "That's what makes you stupid, you trust too easily. You're always vulnerable, anyone can hurt you."

"Max said she loved me…" I murmured.

"Max lied, she loves her flock, not you." Scott tapped his cigarette again. "if it were you or one of her real family, she'd pick her real family every time. You were just a sympathy cause for her. She just felt bad for you." He spoke slowly, like he was sorry that it was true.

_It is true, Alley._ The voice said.

"I know," I said.

"Good, you're not as slow as everyone was so sure you were," Scott smiled that hating smile. "And you also know what happens when you don't do as I say, don't you?"

I nodded. I knew.

* * *

Max sat down hard on the bed. The note was so simple, as if it were easy. _Nothing is easy._ She thought.

First Alley, and then Gazzy and Iggy.

_Dear Flock, _the note said in Gazzy's sloppy handwriting.

_We left to find Alley, I saw were she was heded + I have to find her, I think I'm in love with her, we will call tonite, Iggy is with me + we are safe, we will have her back with us soon, and hopfuly we will have blown up a lab, back soon, sinsearly, Gaz and Iggy. _

The note was depressing enough without Gazzy's spotty spelling. Max couldn't believe that they had just left. Actually she could, but she was still mad.

"Max?" Angel asked softly. "Did they say where they were going?"

Max shook her head, not ready to speak yet. How could they do that? Iggy should have known better. Why, even Gazzy should have known better. She shoved the note at Angel.

Angel read it, frowning. Then she looked up. "What are we going to do?" she asked earnestly.

"We're going to find them and drag all three of their butts back." Fang said for her. Fang had found the note; he already knew what it said.

Nudge, who had been silent with shock since Angel had explained to her that Alley had been slitting her wrists and starving herself, said, "And we have to find out why Alley was hurting herself. And we have to help her."

That was another thing that pissed Max off, why _was_ Alley cutting? What was Max doing wrong that made Alley that upset? Why hadn't she seen it already and fixed it? Was she that bad of a leader that she didn't know how disturbed one of her flock members was?

"It's not your fault, Max," Angel said, putting her hand on Max's shoulder.

Max brushed her off, and got up. "Let's go." She said shortly. She didn't let on how worried she was that Alley had hurt herself more. She wouldn't even think it. She had to save Alley, no matter what.

**[REVIEW and FAV and ALERT PLEASE! If you do, I'll give you a pixelcookie, :D And thanks to everyone who have reviewed so far! you guys make me want to write faster! so keep it up!]**


	10. A true orphan

"FASTER!" Scott yelled at me, swinging his cattle prod up and catching my shoulder. I jerked away, it still stung me, and I felt tears in my eyes. I leaned forward, readying my legs to run; I had to beat the boy this time.

The boy smirked at me. He was a little older than me, eight or nine, and he was Scott's, he did whatever Scott said, no matter what.

"GO!" Scott roared. I tripped into a run, my legs hurt so bad. I felt my bare toe catch on something, and slammed down onto the track, biting my check hard. My head pounded, and the white lights burned my weepy eyes. I could taste my blood, warm and salty. I felt the tears on my cheeks, and I wanted to die. If I was dead, Scott couldn't do this to me.

"Taking a nap, little waste?" the boy asked, getting too close to my face.

I spat my blood at him. He cursed and kicked me in the chest, hitting my tender ribs. "We have a race to finish, little waste, get up so I can beat you again."

"No." I murmured.

"What's that?" the boy got close again. I punched him as hard as I could from the ground, and felt his nose give under my fist. He screamed and lurched away, holding his nose. "You little freak!" He said, his voice funny.

"Nice scream, girly." I said, trying hard to sound like Max.

He kicked me again, this time in the stomach. I lost my pancakes on the track. The boy laughed. "Can't take it? You puke when you get hit, little waste? You're just as useless as everyone's been saying," he leered at me. "You're wasting good air by being alive, you know."

_Don't take that from him._ The voice said. _You might be a waste, but you're needed alive. _

That didn't make me feel any better.

_Get up and fight back._ The voice ordered.

I pushed myself up, wincing as I moved. I spat more blood on the track and looked up at the boy. I bit into my lip, and tried to punch him.

He caught my hand and shoved me back to the floor. He twisted my arm until I whimpered.

"The little waste can't fight?" he said.

"No," Scott said, coming close to me. "That's why she's useless, aren't you, Alley?" he poked my shoulder with the toe of his shoe.

"Yes, sir." I said. I closed my eyes and wished myself dead again.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Scott snarled, and I felt the searing end of his cigarette on my palm. I pulled my hand away. "You will take the discipline I give you, young lady." He kicked me in the chest. "Do whatever you want to her." He said to the boy.

The boy kicked me in the tummy again. I gagged, but there was nothing left to throw up. "You're useless." He said, his voice was so much like Scott's hating voice. "And you're insane; you hear voices, don't you? They tell you to slit your wrists, and you do it."

"Just one voice." I whimpered.

"You needed help from outsiders. You let them treat you like a pet." He grabbed my arm. "They put these in, didn't they?" he touched my stitches.

"Yes." I said. I was so sad and… I felt, like, like I was lost. Like I had a place, and this wasn't it.

"You were too weak to stay in the air." The boy said. He dropped my arm. "You should be dead, now, you know. You little freak, no one loves you."

"I know." I wondered where my place was.

"That's enough for now, Todd. I have to take her home, now; she'll need some sleep for tomorrow." Scott picked me up, careful not to touch my puke, and carried me through the lab complex and out to his car.

"You know, Alley, the voice in your head is your friend, it only wants to help you. Having it doesn't make you crazy." He dropped me in the back seat.

"I'm never, ever going to do anything else it tells me to." I said coldly. If Scott said it was my friend, then it was going to hurt me.

"What makes you say that?" he asked.

"The voice." I snapped. It didn't make any sense, and I didn't care. I closed my eyes again.

"Alley, there's something I need to tell you." Scott broke the silence when I was almost asleep.

"What?" I asked. I tried hard not to let him hear that I actually wanted to know.

"Do you remember your mother?" he asked.

**That **was he wanted to tell me?

"Yes." I didn't say the part about remembering everything. I've never told anyone that. It's secret, like the voice, even though the voice wasn't secret to Scott and the boy, because they had both known, and that had to be a bad thing, but I wasn't sure how… my head hurt too much to think everything out.

"She loved you very much," he muttered.

"Why are you telling me something I already know?" I felt like a novelist for stringing that many words together half asleep and in pain.

"She wasn't your biological mother," he said too loudly.

"Huh?" I said.

"You're not technically her child. She was just a surrogate, I had her falsely impregnated. You're a mixed gene clone." He said, too quiet.

All I really got out of that was 'mixed gene clone'. Whose genes? Who was I a clone of? Did this mean that Conner and Momma weren't my real family? Who was? Mixed, did that mean more than one person?

"The mix included various staff members, none of whom you'd know. It also included two people you do know…" he trailed off.

I guessed that one would be Max. I _was_ her replacement. The other could have been anyone… Conner, maybe?

"Max," he said stiffly. "was one, and the other was Fang."

**[ok, quick thing, I know next to nothing about genetics, soooo, if what I wrote is wrong, don't get mad or anything. Anyvays... REVIEW! PLEAASSEE REVIEW! AND FAV! AND SET THIS STORY ON ALERT! PLEASE! thanks.,...]**


	11. 911

**[sooo, a lot has happened since the last time I updated...I've had people at my house every weekend for the past three weeks, and I have a paper due next Monday, and, oh yeah, it seems as if I've found a new obsession, to join the others... anime, mainly Ouran High School Host Club (YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT, IF YOU HAVE NETFLIX, IT'S ON THE INSTANT THINGIE!... netflix should pay me for that) ... anyways, I'm back now and I have more enjoy:]**

Donnica picked up the phone from the front hall table. She stared at it, debating internally. Something had been off about the man claiming to Alley's father. Something about Alley's voice, the way she kept her distance, told Donnica that something was wrong. Surely, Alley knew him, but was he her father? Was she safe? And what was the talk about her being 'not all there'? she seemed fine to Donnica.

"Hon, what are you doing?" Pat asked, coming from the kitchen. "Where's Alley?"

"She just left. A man came and got her. I have to make a phone call." Donnica said, being shorter with Pat than she normally would have, this was an emergency. She dialed 9-1-1 and hit talk.

"Nine-one-one, what is the manner of your emergency?" a slightly tired sounding woman answered on the first ring.

"I think I've just witnessed a kidnapping." Donnica said softly.

"What is the location?" The woman asked.

Donnica gave her address. "The kidnapper was male, white, with graying black hair and glasses. He was driving a silver Honda Accord; the plates were in-state, MIZ-7199." Donnica read the number off on her arm, having written there as the man pulled out of the drive. She'd seen enough cop shows to know that it might help.

"And who was kidnapped?" the woman asked.

"A little girl, her name is Alley; she's about 3' 7 with shoulder length black hair, and blue eyes."

* * *

My arms were tied behind my back. I was lying face down on Scott's kitchen floor. My chest hurt, my burns hurt, my tummy hurt, _I_ hurt.

"Hold still." Scott said. He grabbed my wing and stretched it all the way out. I screamed and tried to get away. He kicked me. "I said _hold still_! I'm not going to hurt you. I'm clipping your wings so you won't fly away." He showed me his big pair of scissors. "I'm going to cut some feathers, it won't hurt, I promise, like getting a haircut."

"No!" I shrieked. I kicked and twisted and folded my wing up tight against my back. I was **not** letting him clip my wings.

He kicked me again. "Just the first five, so you don't fly away, it won't hurt."

"Please, please no," I started crying. "Please, I won't fly away."

"You've broken my trust before, Alley; I have to, for your safety." He pulled my wing up again. Then he put his foot on my back. "Hold still."

I couldn't stop sobbing. Max would love me even less if I couldn't fly, but I'd never see Max again, which was good, because she'd hate me if I couldn't fly. They'd all hate me. If they didn't already. Even if Fang and Max were sort of my parents, in a messy way, they'd hate me.

I hated me, I couldn't fight back, I was too little, I wasn't worth anything.

I watched from the corner of my eye as bits of my feathers dropped to the tiled floor.

Scott took his foot off my back. "There, that'll do it." He untied me. "See, it wasn't that bad, now, was it?" he helped me to my feet.

I didn't say anything. I stared at the clippings. Now I was totally useless, I couldn't even fly.

"Oh, and about those stitches in your wrist, I'll take them out when it's time, all right?" he patted my head. "What would you like for dinner? Is pasta good?"

I kept staring. I was like a dodo bird now.

"Alley, would you like me to show you to your room?" he asked.

I felt like puking.

"This way," he grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall. "Here, hope this is big enough for you." He opened a door and pushed me in. it was a closet, the walls were too close, the ceiling too low. He slammed the door and locked it. "Dinner will be ready in a bit." He said.

His footsteps went back to the kitchen.

I stood there and cried. My eyes stung. I screamed and banged on the door. I fell on it and sobbed. It was too dark.

_You can get out, Alley. _

_GO AWAY! _I hit the door again. I don't trust the voice anymore. I didn't trust anyone anymore.

* * *

"Max?" Max heard Iggy's voice on the answering machine. "We found Scott's house. It's not far from the hotel; call us when you get this, I think he's got her and- Oh, crap! I hear sirens, I gotta go."

Max could hear them too, in the background of the recording. _What the heck was going on? _

**[poor Alley,**** you should review, you know, if you feel bad for her, *I* do, so, you know, REVIEW!]**_  
_


	12. Cops and orphans

Gazzy watched, shocked, as two police cars pulled into Scott Phillips' driveway. Two officers got out of the first car and went to the door.

"What's happening?" Iggy asked, shifting uneasily on his tree branch. He and Gazzy had been staking out Scott's house from across the street.

"There's some cops knocking on his door." Gazzy told Iggy. The door opened and the officers went inside. "He let them in, he must not have Alley." He said, saddened that he hadn't found her yet and glad that Scott didn't have her.

He waited a moment, wondering why the cops were here. Was Scott going to be arrested? About five minutes later, the cops came out, and one of them was carrying Alley.

* * *

I felt like my brain was collapsing inside my head, I couldn't think, I wanted to die.

I heard something outside of the closet, people, a man and a woman, talking to Scott. I thought about banging on the door, but I knew that Scott would burn me if I tried. I felt tears on my face. "Max," I whispered. "Max, mommy, save me."

_Max is NOT going to save you, Alley, she doesn't care about you, she's lucky you're gone._ The voice said.

"Please, Mr. Phillips, we already have a search warrant, so you can't legally stop us." The man was saying, he was getting closer to the door of the closet.

"You won't find anything," Scott said calmly. "Search away."

I heard them opening the cabinets in the kitchen. They came past my closet. I covered my head.

"Hey," the woman said, she was right in front of the door. "Why does this have a lock?" I heard the lock click and the door opened. "Oh my god, Bill, come here." She crouched down and looked at me.

"Are you Alley?" she asked softly.

How did she know my name?

_Say no! _the voice ordered.

"Yes," I said quietly. The woman had a cop outfit on.

"Are you hurt?" she asked.

_Say no!_

"Yes,"

"I'm officer Gold, you can call me Rachel," she said, scooting closer to me. "I'm going to help you, okay?"

"No," I couldn't trust anyone.

"It's going to be okay, I'll take you somewhere safe, Scott Phillips isn't going to hurt you anymore. You just have to come with me, and we can have your hurts made better, I promise no one will hurt you."

"I want Max." I hadn't wanted to say that, it had just came out.

"Who is Max?" she asked.

I started crying. I couldn't stop.

"We'll find Max," she said, holding her arms out like she wanted to pick me up. "We'll get you cleaned up and find Max, I promise, okay?"

I nodded. She picked me up. She was sturdy and warm. She smelled like apples.

"It's all going to be okay," the woman said, patting my back. She took me out to her car and put me in the back seat. It was a cop car, with lights and everything.

"Max," I sobbed. "Max,"

I curled into a ball and closed my eyes. "Max."

"It's gonna be okay." Rachel said, getting into the car. "We're gonna find Max."


	13. Max?

**[well, I'm, here, I'm posting and using, too, many, commas, shocker. anyways, I'm a lazy slacker and I was away for a week, which didn't stop me from writing, mostly me being lazy stopped me from writing, but, I've written more, and I'm posting it, as short as it is... I'll start working on Edgeless again, soon, too, promise, anyways, this is becoming long winded, so, I'll let you move on now, read and enjoy]**

Someone was touching my hand; they were running their fingers along the cut that Pat had stitched up. I wanted to pull my hand away, but I couldn't move- my body was still sleeping. They turned my hand over and touched one of my burns.

"Can you hear me?" they asked. I had never heard this voice before. It was a man's, probably a big man's. "If you can, you should know that normally, small children don't self-mutilate, that's teenagers, so you're early." I couldn't tell if he was trying to be funny or if he was just stating the fact.

I wanted to snap something at him, I wanted him to stop touching my hands, but I couldn't move.

"And you're malnourished, what have you been doing to yourself?" he asked letting go of my hand.

_It wasn't me! _ I wanted to scream. _The voice, Max was going to get hurt, and I had to stop it. _Suddenly, that didn't seem like a good reason anymore. I was so pathetic that I didn't even have a reason. I had run away because the voice had told me to, but then Scott had told me to listen to it, so, it had to be a liar, so I had ruined my home with Max and her flock.

She would never want me back, now that I had 'self-mutilated' and run away from her, and had my wings clipped. She would laugh at me for being so stupid. She would never love me.

I wondered if Pat and Donnica would take me in. Probably not. I wanted to cry, but I didn't have any tears.

Where was my place? The place I had felt when I was at Scott's labs. Was it somewhere all alone? I didn't even have Marcelle, my yellow stuffed puppy dog; I had left her in Max's backpack so I wouldn't lose her.

I was alone.

A while later, I heard the door open. Someone crossed the room. I forced my heavy eyelids up so I could look and see if it was the man from earlier.

It was Max.

**[PLEASE REVIEW! IF YOU DON'T, I WON'T POST ANYTHING, EVER AGAIN! ... not really... maybe, depends on my mood... SO NEVER AGAIN! UNLESS YOU, YES, YOU, MY DEAR READER, REVIEW!]**


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